calligraphy-victoria:

scifi1694:

thegoddamazon:

laughingfish:

inflateablefilth:

theodorepython:

miami-tea:

The Defibrillator Toaster

My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”

“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”

He’s bread, Jim.

Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M

If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 

JESUS CRUST.

JAM IT!

“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

HES BREAD JIM

BEST PUNS EVER.

HE’S BREAD, JIM.

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO TUMBLR IS KILLING ME TODAY

JESUS CRUST

I still fucking want this toaster.

WHY IS THIS NOT IN MY HOUSE

(Source: secretsbest, via dreamingdusk)

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   omg

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   I want one!!! Once I have it you’ll be able to find me in the kitchen laughing maniacally.

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    This must be mine

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