And while everyone else is like A:LASGBASDJGBSOUGBOVSD*#THNF!!!!

As one of the biggest Mickey Mouse fangirls you will ever meet, I can’t even tell you how hard I’m cringing right now.

Dear Warren Spector,

And by “we” I mean “I,” I was having a nice time before you showed up. Because,

What should have been an awesome thing, Mickey starring in his own action video game and Oswald the Lucky Rabbit making a glorious return turned out kind of crap, because what you have created is a video game that insists it’s some kind of expert on things and an annoying fandom to go with it, both of which have a severe case of Not Getting It.

Because of your video game people now have it stuck in their heads that instead of being a series of alternate universes and separate canons where one does not affect the other and therefore anyone can do whatever they like, that now the Mickey Mouse universe is all bound together in your truncated, glued together, sticky, messy version of things, that it’s all connected through your elaborate fanfic whether the original fans of these characters like it or not.

Oh, and now because of you, Mickey isn’t able to take two footsteps without Oswald dogging those footsteps and being in every single one of his projects, past, present, and future, because you and your fans seem to think that neither character should be allowed to have their own individual achievements, that where one is secretly the other is lurking about somewhere, because they are now conjoined twins and secretly Mickey can’t work out his own problems without Oswald’s help. Apparently.

Because in your quest to make Mickey more interesting, you actually ended up still making him incredibly boring.

Now what we have is a fandom that rampantly ignores old canon unless of course it means rejecting Mickey’s finer, more interesting qualities and deifying Oswald’s. They ignore the fact that in his comics and old cartoons and even a couple more recent outings that this character is incredibly capable of solving his own problems, and if a bully was picking on him there is no way in hell he’d spend his nights crying in bed about it until it’s time for Big Brother Oswald to step in and save the day. This is the Mickey I know:

And while we’re at it, Runaway Brian. Just. Runaway Brain.

Before you go saying that you meant to make Mickey tough and that your fans are just young and silly - mmmm, no, Warren. This is your fault.  Your fault entirely.

Oh, and now we have a fandom that enjoys putting Oswald’s “relationship” with “Ortensia” on a pedestal while poking fun at Minnie because her boyfriend hasn’t proposed to her or made hundreds of babies with her - at least in your combine-everything version of canon. We have a fandom that insists Oswald and Ortensia makeout all day long and Mickey and Minnie are shy about holding hands.

Yeah, because Mickey and Minnie are ~soooo~ afraid of public affection. Wait - what?

Even though you were the one who decided Oswald was a husband and a father. Even though you were the one who decided he had one girlfriend instead of many. Even though you even decided what her name was and I guess whatever semblance of personality she apparently has.

Who gave you the authority to BE an authority on eighty plus years of animation history again…?

Oh, right. Disney. Because Disney badger don’t give a shit anymore.

So everyone enjoy your new game, as for me: